


what a wicked game to play

by sundaystorm



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 12:59:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaystorm/pseuds/sundaystorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the first time Carmilla feels alive again in so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what a wicked game to play

**Author's Note:**

> This sucks, but I had to write a companion to "& still have begged for more" because it wouldn't leave my mind.

This is the first time Carmilla feels alive again in so long. She’s never come this close, not even when she was with Ell. She made her feel loved and cared for, yes. But when her past lover saw her for who she really is, Carmilla only felt more like a monster than something resembling a human.

But then there’s Laura. Laura whose hand fit so perfectly in hers. Laura who has an unhealthy sugar addiction. Laura who is exhausting to look at, because Carmilla could spend hours memorizing every single inch of her.

And Carmilla is not used to this. She’s going to look young forever, but she’s old. Opening up doesn’t feel like  _her_  anymore. But she can’t help but spill her soul out whenever Laura asks. Sometimes she doesn’t realize that all the things she does, are  _only_  because Laura asks. Not everything is meticulously planned, especially when she spent the past thousand years being reckless just to ruin Mother’s plans.

Carmilla isn’t sure she’s doing it  _for_  Laura or herself anymore. She’s selfish. Laura makes her feel less lonely, so the line between wanting and giving is blurry, even for her.

She’s leaning against their private bathroom door. Carmilla only left the room because she needed some time to let everything sink in, not to give Laura some privacy and time to change.  _Selfish_.

When they were dancing, Carmilla could almost feel her heart beating at the same rhythm as Laura’s. She could almost feel blood pumping through her veins, making her cheeks a tint darker. She could almost feel alive.

Almost.

And she’s stupid enough to think that maybe, just maybe, Laura can see past the whole vampire thing and just…love her for what she is. Imperfections and all. Maybe she can feel loved again.

But then—“Worst. Crush. Ever.”

Carmilla smiles to herself, letting out a dry chuckle afterwards. She wasn’t trying to pry, but of course. Laura surely finds the idea of possibly caring for her disgusting and a curse.

And those three words shouldn’t crush her, but they do. It was ridiculous of her to hold onto a ray of hope that she wasn’t sure it shined bright enough for the two of them. But she deserves this, honestly. It’s her fault for meddling with humans and things she knows she should stay away from.

She returns to the room quietly. Laura looks peaceful there, almost normal. Almost as if she wasn’t involved in a whole supernatural mess.

Carmilla makes a crappy comment about not having soundproof walls, because pretending she doesn’t care is easier.

She will not feel unless she absolutely has to.

.

It takes Laura at least an hour to completely fall asleep, Carmilla’s counted the seconds.

Her usual routine is checking on Laura while she sleep. Nothing creepy, she just sticks around to make sure Laura’s okay. But Perry is in the room too, and while Carmilla feels bad for her, she’s also annoyed that she installed herself in their dorm like it’s some kind of modern sleepover.

The silence feels suffocating. The lights are off except for one of those scented candles she likes so much. Holding her knees to her chest, Carmilla feels as her body starts shaking. It’s not one of her episodes, but it’s just as exhausting. It’s a normal occurrence after extremely long and draining days (and it doesn’t help that she’s beyond hungry) but she’s learned how to be quiet.

.

She wakes up from a very strange dream, not remembering the moment she decided to rest her eyes. Carmilla stretches, sitting up straight cross legged and facing her bed. Laura keep tossing around, and Carmilla knows she’s not having a nightmare because her features look relaxed. The image of Laura sleeping on her bed brings a smile to her face.

Carmilla nudges her gently, hoping Laura will just brush her off half asleep and can finally stay in a still position. She doesn’t wake up, though, so Carmilla rests her hand over Laura’s. It’s a light touch, and she pulls away after a few seconds because she doesn’t want to disturb Laura’s sleep. But she keeps tossing around, and Carmilla calls out her name twice, and that seems to do the trick, because Laura unconsciously turns on her side and is facing Carmilla now.

It’s that moment when Carmilla realizes that Laura deserves better. She shouldn’t be involved in the whole ‘kidnapping virgins every 20 years to fulfill Mother’s evil plan’ thing. It’s the second time Carmilla thinks about leaving, but she knows that she won’t. She can’t.

She’s going to stay, help find LaFontaine, and then maybe she can convince them that they should go home or transfer somewhere. Carmilla  _knows_  she can at least convince Perry, and LaFontaine will follow her anywhere, and it will leave Laura with no other choice than to leave as well.

It’s how it’s supposed to go; Carmilla always leaves everyone behind in the end.

"I’m afraid," she says in a quiet voice, looking at Laura sleep peacefully. Perry is snoring lightly, so she’s not worried about waking her up. "Happiness is frightening, that’s why I don’t let myself get attached to things, to people… It can be taken away from you in a second. Mother could take  _you_  away from me and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I’m not—” she shakes her head; of course the only time she finds the courage to admit these things aloud, Laura can’t hear her. “I’m not going to let that happen, cutie.”

She didn’t realize before, that someone can damage a human being beyond repair just by existing. And Carmilla values Laura’s existence too much to let anything bad happen to her.

There’s a lump in her throat that would make it impossible to breath, if she really needed that.

Carmilla’s voice seems to sooth Laura, relaxing her in her sleep, so she keeps talking.

It starts off by reciting a passage from a book she was particularly fond of, and then she finds herself making a list of lines she can sort of relate to.

It’s such a  _human_  thing to do.

"There is a terrible emptiness in me, an indifference that hurts." Carmilla continues. "I’m not used to normal, I’m used to disaster" she quotes, remembering feeling particularly attached to that line. Not the entire work, just that line.

She looks out the window, noticing the sky is quickly changing colors, going from dark blue to light purple. Carmilla lets out a sigh, purely out of habit. She looks back at Laura and leans closer, pressing her lips against her forehead before she pulls away.

"You would be more comfortable if you were using  _your_  pillow.”

But she will concede that Laura was right. Worst crush ever.


End file.
